Identifying and Defusing Player Frustration

Frustration, annoyance, or anger?

Frustration in players is an important emotion that GM's need to observe and manage in order to run a fun game.  Provide a good challenge and things are fun, but go too far or hit the wrong trigger, and you can turn the game sour for your frustrated player.  It isn't always readily apparent when different people, especially strangers, become frustrated, angry, or annoyed, but it is a skill a GM should develop.  This article touches on what happens when players get frustrated, how to identify it, and how to defuse it.

The first thing to understand is that transitioning from annoyed to frustrated to angry is a non-linear process that can progress quickly with relatively little instigation.  Start off with a tired individual trying to unwind from a long day, throw in some real life stress, have them feel a little bit guilty for taking time a way to game, and you have a powder keg ready to explode under the wrong set of circumstances.  As a GM you may only have the intent of providing a reasonable challenge, but sometimes it doesn't turn out that way.

Setting off that powder keg usually first starts with hitting a pet peeve of the individual.  People often become annoyed when something happens that appears unfair, biased, or otherwise against their expectations.  This can be as simple as having a monster with a difficult to overcome immunity to damage, or something as complex as making a ruling that inadvertently breaks a player's character. I've even seen players get upset over the words a GM used to express himself in game. Your first line of defense in these cases, is try to get to know your players, their character, and their expectation well in advance.  Second, try to keep an open dialogue in place between you and your players so they will immediately speak up when they have an issue.  These two things go a long way in keeping a game running smooth.

Being open to corrections in and out of game goes a long way.  Make mistakes early in your game, let the players correct you, and show appreciation for their help.  This early demonstration of openness goes a long way to teaching your players they can trust you.  In addition, ask your players for feedback on the good and the bad in the game.  This further encourages them to vent when something is wrong.

Frustration sometimes turns into passive withdrawal
from the game.

Even if you've gotten to know your players and their characters, it is easy to miss something and hit a trigger.  When you hit the trigger, look for nonverbal queues of frustration and stress.  A stressed player will change their facial expressions, often hold their head or upper body, and may even change their position with respect to the table (either moving back or leaning forward).  Verbally, listen for words like "unfair", or words that express anger like saying a foe is "pissing them off".  They may use exclamatory phrases.  Their face may redden.  They may withdraw from actively participating in the game suddenly, perhaps crossing their arms.  They may verbally cue that they are reassessing the situation and game when they start their turn.  Whether passive or aggressive, frustration will change the players behavior.

When you identify a frustrated or angry individual in your group, try to defuse the situation slowly.  Give them some immediate verbal and nonverbal cues that you are paying attention to them, such as eye contact and asking them a question.  Offer options if they are in a difficult situation.  Often a simple gesture to let them know everyone is playing cooperatively will help them recover from their frustration.  If need be, get to a stopping point and call a break.  Talk to the player in a non-confrontational way, asking perhaps if everything is OK, and if there is anything you can help with.  Be a caring GM by showing your players that you care.

Ultimately, when you find that point of frustration, talk it over and try to be accommodating.  Rule zero is that everyone has fun, so try to be flexible to ensure each player is truly having fun.  Still, in some cases, some players might not be happy with your game.  Maybe you can help them to find a game that is better to their liking, or do something else to help them along.  Just because they are leaving your group, its no reason to be any less caring.  Helping other to enjoy the hobby is good for all us.

Violence is never OK at the table, but focus on
safety first.  Don't confront a violent person.

In closing, I offer one caution that every GM should consider.  In rare cases, people at the table can become so angry that they may become violent.  In these cases, always consider the well-being of yourself and your players first.  Violence cannot be tolerated, but also it is more important to keep people safe than to confront some one.  Should violence erupt, get people away from the violent person, let them cool off, and once the situation is calm, eliminate them from your future game.